Starting fresh.....

Wow...actually laughing over here reading my last blog. I guess I was pretty mad at the time I wrote it huh? Well while I partly feel bad about putting mine and Lamonte's business out there I was just being real. That's what this whole blog is suppose to be about. Not biting my tongue and just saying exactly how I feel so I guess it was a good thing. Since the blog I've come to realize Lamonte truly did up and move and well...there is nothing I can do about it. If he doesn't want to be in his daughter's life I can't force him. All I can do is move on from this and learn from my mistakes. My daughter is the blessing that came out of the mess called, "Lamonte & Tiffany". I know I need to take this time to pick up the pieces and not let him or the situation continue to bring me down. I have to be strong for her if not myself. No one can give me the advice I need other than God and that is who I'm choosing to turn to. Everyone has an opinion on what I should do or should've done in the past but honestly, I feel I have to leave this in God's hands. I can't continue to hold animosity towards Lamonte. If I continue to have hate in my heart for him it won't make me any better of a person than him right now. I once loved him with all of my heart and soul and even after everything he's done I still have love for him. There may be alot of negative feelings towards him at the moment but overall, there is still love. I don't know if that makes me stupid but I'd like to think its a positive attribute that I carry. The ability to forgive even when hurt more than ever before. I know there is no easy fix for my situation but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. A close friend of mine reminded me of a prayer she says daily. She suggested I borrow it for the time being and it is strange how a simple prayer had such an effect on me as I said it aloud this morning....


"God I pray today for joy in my heart, peace in my mind, and health in my body."

Lamonte - M.I.A.

Well I'm not going to keep referring to him as "David". At this point I could care less if the entire world knows who "David" really is. Yeah its Lamonte...no surprise there for anyone who is reading this that actually knows my situation. So he's Missing In Action.....what a shocker right? I wish I would have known sooner that he had planned the entire time to just up and leave. I saw him Sunday and he acted like everything was fine. He told me he'd see me at the doctor's appt on Monday and he'd pay me what he owed me Friday. I left thinking neither of those things would actually happen but tried to hope for the best. Then next thing I know when I hadn't heard from him on Tuesday I decided to call. Well his phone was powered off so it went straight to voicemail. Then nothing on Wednesday, strange b/c it was my bday and I knew he wouldn't forget. Finally its Thursday and I'm freaking it out b/c still no word and his phone is still off. So I decide to go by his apt only to find he's being EVICTED! Turns out he never paid his rent and promised them he'd come in on the 16th to pay but never showed up. Okay now I'm really worried. So I decide to see if I can log in to his voicemail (we're on the same plan incase you're wondering why this was so easy for me). Turns out he hasn't checked any of them. There were bill collectors, my messages, and messages from a lot of other girls (no surprise there). So this had me even more concerned. I called his sister and his bestfriend. I figured between the two of them I would get an answer. The bestfriend answered and said he'd let me know if he heard anything but had no idea where Lamonte can be. So I tried the voicemail again and what do you know.....bestfriend was lying. He left Lamonte a message asking "How was your trip up there? Just making sure you made it. Holla at me" WOW! This coming from the person who said he had no idea where Lamonte went. Nice. By this time his sister had already called me back and told me to not worry. She said this is not the first time Lamonte had just up and moved without telling anyone. And with me being 5 months pregnant apparently this is even more in his character. I literally just sat and cried all night long. So many questions running through my head that I knew would never be answered. Why would he lie to me about everything? Why would he promise me that he was going to be in our child's life over and over and over again? We would he make up all these stories about the drama with Gina, Lauren, etc and how they were all CRAZY and blah blah blah blah blah? These are questions I'll never get an answer from him for. I just don't understand how someone can be in a serious relationship with another person for 2 years, have a child with her and then burn out with no way of being contacted. At this point no one knows if Lamonte made it to where he's going or not since he hasn't contacted anyone. The bestfriend won't even tell where Lamonte was headed so at this point its all a guess. Based on the call log for the phone I'm thinking maybe Texarkana b/c there is a number he talks to all day every day and its based in Texarkana but at this point who knows. As many messages as there were from other women it sounds like he had alot of them fooled. I guess when I really think about everything I found out about Lamonte through our relationship I shouldn't be shocked by him up and leaving. I mean...he left Vanessa when she had Xavier, he left Jessie when she had Alexis, he won't even claim Dora's son ( who looks just like him ) .....why would I have thought this time it would have been any different? I honestly have a lot more to say but I'm still extremely emotional right now and I know that its probably best to just stop and try and reflect for awhile. There is no point in just blabbing on when I'm full of rage and emotions. It won't be productive for myself or the blog. I just had to get this all out there this morning before starting my day. I have no idea how the next few days are going to play out. I have a lot of things to do. I need to go cancel our account b/c he never took his name off, cancel his cellphone, and there are plenty of other things to be worked out. First I need to BREATHE. I feel like I'm suffocating over here.