Can you really make yourself stop loving someone?

Can you really make yourself stop loving someone?  I don’t think you can. Kendall and I were talking on the way back from South Padre about relationships. He said he’s never understood why he tries fighting how he feels for someone. That no matter what there is just that chemistry that is going to keep bringing him back to “her” every time. And basically he feels like that means he should just be with her. Even if he knows she’s not good for him. I began to argue (like I always do) but then I sat and thought to myself, “Maybe he’s right.” After all, I am the same person who has been in love with one of her closest friends for 8 years now. I always thought I’ve had a sense of control over the situation. Sure I’d lose my way every now and then and fall back into those feelings but overall when it was time to shut them off I was capable. Most recently that’s meant not physically being around him and limiting the phone calls and texts but its worked right? Not exactly. I still find myself getting butterflies every time I get that text or his special ring tone goes off because he’s calling to say hello. I still get jealous when I see a Twitter post about another woman from him or upset when I know he’s having company over. No matter how hard I try to tell myself I don’t care I do. There’s just a crazy intense connection there and I think he’d even be lying if he didn’t agree.


But that doesn’t mean we’re meant for each other and I should feel like I’m losing out because we’re not together. I know deep down that he’s not the person I should be with at the end of the day. Yes I love him and yes I’m EXTREMELY attracted to him but when it comes to real life we’re headed in two totally different directions. No matter how much I try to tell my heart to stop caring it won’t. I will always love him and he will always be that one guy who has a hold on me. So in that respect I agree with Kendall on you not being able to fall out of love with someone. BUT….where I disagree is that you should just settle for that person because you can’t get them off your mind. Keeping someone toxic around you will only bring you misery. And that’s exactly what he is to me. TOXIC. Call him a womanizer, player, smooth, pimp….whatever he goes by that’s not what I need. I know that and for that reason I will continue to “pretend” I’m not in love with him.