VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Well it's that time of year again. You know. The time for shades of pink/red everywhere, chocolates, roses, strawberries, etc. YUCK! haha Just kidding. Yes, I'm just like every other typical woman and I do feed into the Valentine's Day hype. This year is different though. I'm single and while I've been single on Valentine's Day before, I'm still a little bitter from my last relationship. I had all week to listen to everyone discuss their plans for today and who they were sharing it with. When I complained about not having a Valentine every one's response was, "You have Makenna". Very true. She is the person I care about the most and so it would be only natural to share today with her. BUT........... we all know we still want to have that significant other. That person you just can't get enough of. So this made me really think. I went through memories of all my past relationships, why they failed, what was good about them, and what I've learned? Who made me laugh? Who made me cry? Who is still in my life? And who I never want to see again? When it came down to it there was one person who kept popping up. He's been in my life for 7 years and I don't see him going anywhere anytime soon. I've lusted after him, loved him, mistreated him, been mistreated by him, hated him, forgave him, and found myself always running back to him. I grew up in front of him and learned a lot along the way. He is one of the few people who have always been completely honest with me no matter what. Sometimes this was a lot to take in but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I believe only true friends can be brutally honest and still have a positive effect. He keeps me in line, looks after me, and definitely is not afraid to tell me when I'm screwing up. Whether its a shoulder I need to cry on or just a night of watching tv over at his place to put me in a better mood he's always there. While I've tried to not be attracted to him its been pretty undeniable since the day we met. He just has a weird hold on me. I can't stop smiling everytime I'm around him and when I get a random text I find myself getting that warm feeling inside.

My friend Becki asked me last night if I had ever really been in love. I told her yes, once with Lamonte. But was that true? The more I thought about it the more I realized that there was someone else. Someone I can never imagine not being part of my life. And that's him. Could this explain why I still find myself getting jealous when I see that he's dating other women? I try to joke about it and laugh it off in order to still play the friend role but truth is it hurts so much when I think about it. I literally get sick to my stomach. He's on my mind constantly. When I'm having a good day he's the first person I want to share it with. When I feel like my whole world is crashing down he's the first person I want to run to. I picture him in my life forever. Some may say this would make him my bestfriend. Some may say I am IN LOVE with him. Either way, it will never be more than what it is. I'd rather keep the relationship I have with him then risk letting him know how I truly feel. So after today I won't discuss it again. Just figured when you have such strong feelings you deserve to let them out at least once. Well here was my chance and why not today right? Happy Valentine's Day!