I'm tearing up now after putting all of that out there. It hurts to bring back all of those memories but at the same time I think that is what I needed to do. I just needed to get it out there. B/c when they remained my secrets they didn't seem like reality. And well, its time to face reality. I hid all of the fights, cheating, lies, etc from everyone because I never wanted anyone to dislike David and more so b/c I was ashamed in myself. My mother raised me to be a strong independent woman and this past year I feel I failed her. I became weak. I let him tear me down to nothing. I did everything he ever wanted me to and yet still even after he cheated all I wanted was to make him happy so he would stay with me. I had no self worth. It saddens me to say that but its true. I let him physically and emotionally abuse me and never stood up to him. Those who know me are probably in shock right now. I want to tell you that I finally came to my senses and was able to be the strong woman that I use to be but that is not the case this time. He left and it forced me to move on. I didn't choose to move on. I can only hope that someday if ever in a similar situation I can make the choice and not have to be forced. Only then could I truly be satisfied with myself.
I wish this could be the end of the chapter for David but while we broke up in March 2009, he did not move out of my apartment until May 2009. This is when I found out I was pregnant.......
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
*HUGS* Oh honey, I am so sorry you have gone through this. I am proud of you for sharing. You ARE the strong woman your mother raised.
ReplyDeleteThis breaks my heart tremendously to hear all of this!!!! I have been where you are at and know exactly what you are going through! Because I have been there I can tell you that you will be just FINE! We are strong women who just want to believe the best in all people. However, he will NEVER change -- only perfect his lying. Therefore, you need to not ever consider giving him another chance to break your heart again. I flip flopped for years and 2 kids later before I came to my senses. There will be a day when you look back and wonder what the hell did I ever see in him. I never thought that would happen for me, but it did! You wise up with age and Motherhood sure puts things into prospective. All these years later I am thankful for my kids, but damn I don't know why I allowed myself to be treated so poorly. Be smarter than I was. Keeping contact and even the slightest amount of hope for the future with him will end up bringing you nothing but heartbreak. Take it from another that has been there one too many times.
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful person with a lot of family and friends to back you up. That guy doesn't know what love is and doesn't deserve your time or energy.