Running into the PAST

LOL...okay so now that I'm posting this I feel a little immature but at the time it was totally worth it.

I went to do some quick shopping the other day with my mom and as soon as we walked into Nordstroms who did I see?  The CREATURE.  Yes, I would be talking about one of the many women Lamonte cheated on me with.  So I should have taken the high road and walked right past her without saying a word right?  WRONG!  I made sure to wait until she was right beside me, pointed and said, "Look, thats the nasty ass girl Lauren who Lamonte was with."  Of course she continued walking like she didn't see me.  She never has been able to say anything to my face so I'm not surprised.  It may have not been the mature thing to do but it felt so good.  I will admit part of me wished Makenna would have been there so she could have seen what a beautiful daughter Lamonte and I have.  lol  Okay okay I know what you're thinking....I shouldn't be mad at her.  He's the one who cheated.  However, she is a different case.  She knew about me, knew he was sleeping with 3 other women at work along with her, stalked both of us to the point of us having to change our numbers and then continued to make our lives hell even after we broke up.  She even tried to get him fired from work just because he wouldn't see her anymore.  She is not the normal woman so I don't treat her like a normal woman.  Regardless I do feel a little silly now that I'm writing about it but hey....I guess the past can bring out the worst in us all sometimes.  At the end of the day, yes I do feel better.  =)

Not a good day....

Just had to have a conversation with someone that I did not want to have.  I really liked him too.  Ugh!  This really sucks.  I can’t help but feel like a horrible person right now.

First Steps!

Yay!  Makenna finally took her first steps last night.  Unfortunately I had just left to buy diapers so I missed it.  =)  DARN!  I can’t believe my little girl is already trying to walk.  She took 3 whole steps before falling on her bottom.  I have a feeling she will be walking all over the place by Christmas.  What am I going to do?  Lol

Just finished up another letter to Lamonte letting him know what went on at court and the new updates for Makenna.  We finally got the paternity test taken this past week so now I just have to wait for the results.  Hopefully this will put aside any doubts he may still have although he swears he doesn’t have any.  He’s at a closer location now so I may consider taking Makenna to visit.  Still not sure if I’m ready for that but the idea has been floating around. 

As for everything else, life is pretty calm.  Trying to get things ready around the house for Thanksgiving and started Christmas shopping for Makenna.  That little girl is too spoiled.  Over the next few weeks I have to start planning her 1^st birthday party too.  I’m hoping to have Lamonte’s other two children there for the party so I need to set a date soon.  His daughter’s in Florida so I’m hoping she is able to find a cheap flight and come out.  We’ve been talking about all getting together for awhile so this would be a really good time for it.

Time to get back to work. 

Women Today

“Down through history men have always been measured by how hard they work and cultivated how well the protected their wife and children. In the old days women saw their men as conquerors, providers, heroes. But somewhere along the line that changed, women started to become their own hero, maybe it was because their man forgot to be relic or because women don't want to be protected anymore or maybe women had to be their own hero because of the pain they had to endure in life. But whatever the cause, the world took away a man's reason for being a man. It told him he wasn't important anymore and when that happened, it turned the whole world upside down.” D Johnson




I must say I completely agree with this. Ladies, I think we’ve lost our way some what when it comes to proving that we’re strong and independent. You have your own house, own car, 2 degrees, and a nice six figure salary yet you still haven’t found love? In your mind you’re blaming it on the men. “They can’t handle a strong woman like myself.” “They want a weak woman to control so they can cover up their own insecurities within themselves.” I’m not saying this doesn’t happen but I don’t think it’s always the case. Yes you should be proud of all that you’ve accomplished and I don’t think you should ever be completely submissive to a man but sometimes you have to tone it down a bit. Let him know that you still do need and want his help with things around the house. Don’t let him see you without your make-up on and rollers in your hair everyday. Surprise him by actually having dinner waiting for him when he returns home from work regardless of the type of day you’ve had. Try and get away at least once a week for alone time. Whether that be a walk in the park or dinner and a movie. Surprise him with something sexy when the kids are away. I know you’re probably saying, “She’s crazy if she thinks I’m gonna make him dinner after I’ve been at work all day too.” It all goes back to the roles we play though. Just like we take care of home so do they. Men this means you need to step it up as well and provide for your family. Don’t put financial burdens completely on your wife and expect her to do the things listed above as well. You’re a team and you need to be doing your part too. If the bills aren’t getting paid you need to get out and get another job or two, whatever it takes to make sure your family is provided for. I get tired of watching some of my friends work 2-3 jobs while their husbands get to sit at home all day. Then when they get home their still stuck cooking dinner, taking care of their kids/husbands all while their men get to sit at home and do nothing. That is not the strong independent woman I want to be. I made this mistake in the past and it got me no where. I want to be financially secure on my own before entering my next relationship but I don’t want that to be the reason someone chooses me. I want him to know I’m a good mother, I’ve mastered all the daily tasks of a 50’s housewife however I do have a mind of my own. I can stand my own in a room full of his colleagues, hang with the boys for football Sunday, keep it classy when we’re out on the town, and definitely fulfill all of his needs in the bedroom. Am I this woman yet? Not completely and that is why I’ve chosen to take myself out of the dating scene.

Instead of blaming men for not being able to handle someone like me I want to fix where I’ve failed in the past. I don’t want to settle for a weak man because I don’t want to step up my game and be the type of woman I know I can be. I want to be every bit of a PHENOMENAL woman. There is a reason that today’s divorce rate is up to 50% and rising. We need to stop being so concerned with our own independence and start trying to keep a happy home.

LIFE IS GOOD

I really need to start blogging daily. I keep saying I’m going to and never get a chance. These days Makenna has me running around like crazy. She’s all over the place and its only a matter of time before she’s walking. I’ll definitely be getting my exercise then. Haha.
So let’s see, Halloween was FANTASTIC! Makenna was a Bumble Bee and went to two different costume parties over the weekend. She also went trick or treating and LOVED it! I don’t know how many people we were stopped by that told us she was the prettiest baby they’d ever seen. We got that a lot but lately it’s been more than I’m use to. Everyone keeps asking me why I don’t just get her into modeling but I’m still unsure. I know she’d love it right now bc she loves the camera and posing for pictures. Still, I’m a firm believer in letting a kid just be a kid. I plan on doing some more research on infant modeling and hope to have my mind made up by Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, the list has already begun. I’m not sure how I’ll afford everything but I’m determined to make this the best Christmas yet since it’s my little angel’s first one. =) The only problem is that her birthday falls right after Christmas so I have no clue how I’ll pull this off financially. Time to push my Mary Kay products. That shouldn’t be so hard being that everyone seems to be going crazy over the new product line. Crossing my fingers the sales continue.

Well there isn’t much else to say. Life is just really good right now. Financially I struggle but everything else has started to fall into place. I have weeded out the bad seeds and finally have the right people in my life. Motherhood is GREAT! I can’t get enough of Makenna. She’s just adorable. I’m so lucky to have such a perfect little girl. Work is picking up but still isn’t paying the bills however I’m working on MK and that has been a big help. Love life is interesting to say the least. I have a few options and its nice not being tied down at the moment. It’s giving me time to really figure out what I truly want. I feel like I was rushed into my relationship with Lamonte. I didn’t have time to think and make sure I really wanted to be with him before he asked me to be exclusive. Dating is definitely more enjoyable these days. Still I worry I’ll make the wrong decision for Makenna. No one has met her yet because I do not feel you should have your children around men you’re dating so soon. Some of the men have agreed and respected me for that. Others thought I was being ridiculous. Those men are not in my life now. =) Ultimately my daughter comes before anyone else so I want to protect her as much as possible. I don’t agree with some of the choices single mothers make these days. It’s not okay for your kids to meet all the men you date right away. And it’s definitely not okay to move your boyfriend in after a few months of dating when you have children involved. Have a little more respect for your children ladies. Ugh! Anyways…sorry I had to vent about that topic bc it has come up a lot lately.

Well I’d love to keep going but its time to get back to work. Til next time…

A 2nd chance...

Lamonte and I are finally on the same page when it comes to our daughter. It feels so good to be able to get along and talk like adults. Too bad it’s taken this long for us to get here. As I responded to his letter last night there was a smile on my face and a big sigh of relief. We spend more effort fighting and arguing over petty things than discussing what’s important – Makenna…. so to finally have a normal conversation was nice. He is really making an effort to be in her life. Right now with him being incarcerated it’s hard for him but he tries to write at least once a week. I’ve been saving all of his letters so that she’ll have them someday if she feels like reading them. So many people in my life are skeptical as to whether this will last once he gets out and to those I have to say this…


All I can do is allow him to try to have a relationship with her. I will pray for the best but always expect the worst. I have to keep my guard up based on his track record but that doesn’t mean I should be a total bitch to him 24/7. Our relationship problems should not affect the friendship we have today. Yes I said friendship. We’ve both agreed that the best thing for Makenna is for us to work on actually being friends. Why not? We were best friends at one point and we probably know each other better than anyone else. I am nervous that he will fall back into his same old patterns but I’ve expressed that to him and he knows that my guard will remain up. As long as he’s willing to accept that and keep trying to prove himself all I can do is try to go about things with an open mind and heart. Makenna is the most important thing in the world and if having her daddy around is what she needs I’m all for it. BUT….the moment he screws up….no more chances. So let’s cross our fingers that this works. He even mentioned possibly moving closer to see her more often. I was very shocked but if he did decide to move that would definitely show he was actually serious about being a big part of her life. His newest thing was coming up with a nickname for her. Mac n’ Cheese. I know I know….strange but then again this is Lamonte. He called me strawberry so apparently has a thing for food. Haha

Time to protect my blogs...

So it's become apparent that I have to keep things private now.  I deleted my myspace, blocked certain people from Facebook and now I guess I'll have to put a password protector on my blog.  So...if you're reading this now and you want to continue to have access please email me at tprice83@yahoo.com with your email address and I will make sure to send you the new password.  I should be locking this within the week.  I'm sick of a certain person using any information they can find online about me to help with their own insecurities.  I'm too old to play games and feed in to the unnecessary drama so I'm stopping it all together.  Basically if there is nothing to read you will hopefully go away and move on with your life.  Or not, either way it won't affect me anymore.