25 week update!!!

As of Monday, I’m 25 weeks pregnant. This is going by way too quickly. I’m finally at a point where I feel pregnant. Clothes do not fit anymore, heartburn is horrible, can’t bend down to tie my shoes as easily, and I get zero sleep at night. The joys of pregnancy. (sigh) It really hasn’t been a horrible pregnancy though. I like to complain daily but it really has been a good pregnancy. And all the annoying things that happen just remind me that I will have a bundle of joy in just a few more months.
So the most amazing thing about being pregnant so far is feeling her move. At first it freaked me out but now that I’ve become more use to it, I love it. When I’m down and feeling completely alone she gives me a good kick to let me know I’m not and she’s there for me. =) I’ll be going in 3 more weeks to have the 3D/4D ultrasound. Can’t wait. We’ll see if I’m having an alien or a princess. To date, she’s been an alien. Hopefully now she’s ready for her tiara. We will see.

Starting fresh.....

Wow...actually laughing over here reading my last blog. I guess I was pretty mad at the time I wrote it huh? Well while I partly feel bad about putting mine and Lamonte's business out there I was just being real. That's what this whole blog is suppose to be about. Not biting my tongue and just saying exactly how I feel so I guess it was a good thing. Since the blog I've come to realize Lamonte truly did up and move and well...there is nothing I can do about it. If he doesn't want to be in his daughter's life I can't force him. All I can do is move on from this and learn from my mistakes. My daughter is the blessing that came out of the mess called, "Lamonte & Tiffany". I know I need to take this time to pick up the pieces and not let him or the situation continue to bring me down. I have to be strong for her if not myself. No one can give me the advice I need other than God and that is who I'm choosing to turn to. Everyone has an opinion on what I should do or should've done in the past but honestly, I feel I have to leave this in God's hands. I can't continue to hold animosity towards Lamonte. If I continue to have hate in my heart for him it won't make me any better of a person than him right now. I once loved him with all of my heart and soul and even after everything he's done I still have love for him. There may be alot of negative feelings towards him at the moment but overall, there is still love. I don't know if that makes me stupid but I'd like to think its a positive attribute that I carry. The ability to forgive even when hurt more than ever before. I know there is no easy fix for my situation but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. A close friend of mine reminded me of a prayer she says daily. She suggested I borrow it for the time being and it is strange how a simple prayer had such an effect on me as I said it aloud this morning....


"God I pray today for joy in my heart, peace in my mind, and health in my body."

Lamonte - M.I.A.

Well I'm not going to keep referring to him as "David". At this point I could care less if the entire world knows who "David" really is. Yeah its Lamonte...no surprise there for anyone who is reading this that actually knows my situation. So he's Missing In Action.....what a shocker right? I wish I would have known sooner that he had planned the entire time to just up and leave. I saw him Sunday and he acted like everything was fine. He told me he'd see me at the doctor's appt on Monday and he'd pay me what he owed me Friday. I left thinking neither of those things would actually happen but tried to hope for the best. Then next thing I know when I hadn't heard from him on Tuesday I decided to call. Well his phone was powered off so it went straight to voicemail. Then nothing on Wednesday, strange b/c it was my bday and I knew he wouldn't forget. Finally its Thursday and I'm freaking it out b/c still no word and his phone is still off. So I decide to go by his apt only to find he's being EVICTED! Turns out he never paid his rent and promised them he'd come in on the 16th to pay but never showed up. Okay now I'm really worried. So I decide to see if I can log in to his voicemail (we're on the same plan incase you're wondering why this was so easy for me). Turns out he hasn't checked any of them. There were bill collectors, my messages, and messages from a lot of other girls (no surprise there). So this had me even more concerned. I called his sister and his bestfriend. I figured between the two of them I would get an answer. The bestfriend answered and said he'd let me know if he heard anything but had no idea where Lamonte can be. So I tried the voicemail again and what do you know.....bestfriend was lying. He left Lamonte a message asking "How was your trip up there? Just making sure you made it. Holla at me" WOW! This coming from the person who said he had no idea where Lamonte went. Nice. By this time his sister had already called me back and told me to not worry. She said this is not the first time Lamonte had just up and moved without telling anyone. And with me being 5 months pregnant apparently this is even more in his character. I literally just sat and cried all night long. So many questions running through my head that I knew would never be answered. Why would he lie to me about everything? Why would he promise me that he was going to be in our child's life over and over and over again? We would he make up all these stories about the drama with Gina, Lauren, etc and how they were all CRAZY and blah blah blah blah blah? These are questions I'll never get an answer from him for. I just don't understand how someone can be in a serious relationship with another person for 2 years, have a child with her and then burn out with no way of being contacted. At this point no one knows if Lamonte made it to where he's going or not since he hasn't contacted anyone. The bestfriend won't even tell where Lamonte was headed so at this point its all a guess. Based on the call log for the phone I'm thinking maybe Texarkana b/c there is a number he talks to all day every day and its based in Texarkana but at this point who knows. As many messages as there were from other women it sounds like he had alot of them fooled. I guess when I really think about everything I found out about Lamonte through our relationship I shouldn't be shocked by him up and leaving. I mean...he left Vanessa when she had Xavier, he left Jessie when she had Alexis, he won't even claim Dora's son ( who looks just like him ) .....why would I have thought this time it would have been any different? I honestly have a lot more to say but I'm still extremely emotional right now and I know that its probably best to just stop and try and reflect for awhile. There is no point in just blabbing on when I'm full of rage and emotions. It won't be productive for myself or the blog. I just had to get this all out there this morning before starting my day. I have no idea how the next few days are going to play out. I have a lot of things to do. I need to go cancel our account b/c he never took his name off, cancel his cellphone, and there are plenty of other things to be worked out. First I need to BREATHE. I feel like I'm suffocating over here.

A Dozen Roses

Sweet gestures really can go a long way when it comes to women. These days expression of feelings are usually expressed through text, email, instant messenger, or even worse…Facebook postings. With all these tech savy ways of communicating how we feel it always makes me appreciate the good old days of hand written notes, flowers, candy, etc. Receiving an “I’m sorry” note from a friend, “Get Well” flowers from a family member, or “Happy Valentine’s Day” candy from your boyfriend always puts a smile on your face and seems so much more personal.

So to explain my weekend I will first need to introduce a new person to the blog. We will call him “Kevin”. “Kevin” is my neighbor across the street. We’ve recently been hanging out and while we get along great we both could never see ourselves dating each other. Still having a male companion around can have its perks. Especially when dealing with the pregnancy depression of being single. Anyhow, Kevin and I made plans Saturday to rent a movie and just stay in and watch it. He had a birthday dinner to go to and then was going to head to Blockbuster around 8pm to pick out a movie. I waited and waited but never heard from him. I ended up going to dinner with my sister and just figured he forgot or got held up. I will admit that I was a little disappointed and the crazy thought of “another man letting me down” went through my head but overall I didn’t let it get to me. I finally received a call from “Kevin” at 11:45pm that night. He said his family ended up coming into town and that he’d be a little longer but wanted to know if it was still okay to see me. My response of course was, “No”. Even though I had ZERO plans for the night and was extremely bored, as a women we all know we have to make them suffer when they screw up. LOL So that is what I did. He continued texting and calling all night still trying to make up for it and see me and I continued to reject him. I slept pretty well that night knowing that it drove him crazy that I wouldn’t give in and allow him to come over. =)

Sunday morning comes along and after church I receive a phone call from him apologizing again for the night before and he tells me he has a surprise for me when I get home. At this point I’m rolling my eyes and thinking, “WHATEVER”. When I got home that afternoon I decided to see what the surprise was all about and told him to meet me outside in 5 minutes. When I came out, there he was with a dozen long stem red roses. Wow! He said he just wanted to make sure I knew how sorry he was for the night before. All this for calling me 3 hours late? “David” did horrible things during our relationship and I still never received “I’m sorry” flowers. I did not know how to react at first. I was definitely in shock. I know roses to most may not seem like a big deal but with the way my life has been going the roses symbolized something so much more than just a sweet gesture. It let me know I was worth more than what I’ve had in the past. No, I’m not falling in love with my neighbor or anything like that. But, he reminded me that as women we do deserve things like this. We do deserve an “I’m sorry” no matter how small the issue. It feels good to have someone of the opposite sex recognize when they are wrong and correct the situation even when it is something so simple. I had become so use to it always being my fault in my last relationship. Even when “David” cheated, he blamed it on me. For once to have someone else doing the apologizing felt good. Now if only he knew I don't like red roses…lol Oh well…he tried. lol

14 weeks!!!

Hey Everyone!
14 weeks today. So happy. My baby is now growing hair. lol My mom thinks I'm retarded for reading each week what all the baby has developed. Oh well. I'm just super excited about it. I planned on writing a long blog on how the pregnancy is going but I'm exhausted. So I'll have to catch everyone up another night. Sleep tight guys! =) Enjoy your week.

No, I don't HATE "David"

Okay so after having my blog up for awhile I've had a lot of questions as to if I HATE "David". To answer....no. How can I HATE someone who at one time brought me so much happiness? My blogs were not meant to put him down or make him look like a horrible man. They were simply the truth. I just needed to vent and get it out. He constantly gets upset with me because he feels I make him look bad. I speak the truth. That's it. If his actions make him look bad, that's his problem. He truly was a good man at one point but after a year or more of cheating we both found that we brought the worst out in each other. See I was never innocent in all of this. I may not have cheated but I was just as bad in many ways. I used my first few blogs as a way of catching you up as to how it became so hostile between us. Most of you had no idea why we broke up and kept questioning me as to why I wouldn't just try and make it work. Well now you know. This blog is not a "David" bashing blog and this will probably be the last negative thing you hear about him. Reality is I still love him and I know he still loves me. We're just not meant to be anything more than what we are right now. And as for our child, it will not grow up hearing what a horrible man "David" was/is. I won't do that to them. I want them to love their father and think he is the best person in the world. That is why I vent now. To get it all out. I don't want to be that jaded mother who constantly reminds her child about all the things their father put her through.

Alicia Keys - Lesson Learned

This seemed appropriate for the blog. I had this on repeat for days after David and I broke up.....such a good song.