Not so good birthday

My birthday week/weekend has come and gone. I’m not sad to see that it’s over with. This year wasn’t as exciting as I thought it was going to be. It started off with the night before my bday receiving an email from Lamonte’s wife. Shocker! She started off with an apology for the way things originally went down when she first contacted me. Then after reading more into her email I realized it was more about her own insecurities with Lamonte and his lying/cheating ways. She wanted to know if I still had feelings for him, how often we talked and if it was only regarding Makenna? Against my better judgment I gave her the answers she was looking for. Everyone around me that knows what’s going on said I should have just ignored the email and let her wonder. But that’s not me. I know what its like to be completely in the dark and so in love with someone that you want to believe every word that comes out of their mouth even though deep down you know it’s a lie. So I gave her the facts. I didn’t tell her whether she should stay with him or not. That is her decision to make for herself and for her kids. So much of me wanted to say, “You’re crazy. You have two children. Run, run far away because he will never change.” But that’s not my place. I told her if she wanted to know about Lamonte she should talk to his family not his EX. I mean after all, I could be filling her head with false information right? We all know that I wouldn’t do that but she doesn’t know anything about me other than what he has told her so I wouldn’t blame her for thinking so.


The next morning I received a call from my father which was another issue. I haven’t spoken to him since the drama that went down during my baby shower back in January. With all the drugs and him being in and out of jail I decided a long time ago I do not want him to be part of my life or Makenna’s. So when I picked up the phone to hear, “Hey baby, Happy Birthday!” I didn’t know how to respond. I was cold and kept it very short. He said “I love you” and I responded with “ Bye” all the while fighting back the tears. I hung up and felt horrible about the way I was treating him but I just didn’t want to go through the same thing all over again. Eventually I called back and history repeated itself…AGAIN. He gave me the long speech about how he’s changed, how much he loves me and how he’s no longer doing drugs. This would be the same speech he’s given me 4 times in 2 years.

I wish I could say my birthday got better but it was pretty much downhill from there which included being broke the entire time, getting into a fight with one of my best friends and ending a romantic relationship I was having with someone. Better luck next year I guess…

Weight Watchers

Oh the joys of Weight Watchers….yes I’m back at it. It’s been a few years since I was on it and I think its time to get back on track. While sparkpeople.com is great, I’m willing to spend the extra money in order to have a faster way of tracking calories, exercise and weight loss. It’s amazing how much your eating habits change when you have children. I went from never eating when she was first born b/c she would never let me put her down to now constantly snacking on fast food before and after I get her settled because it’s the only thing I have time for. Neither of those patterns were very healthy for me. I’ve also stopped going to the gym and 10 lbs later I completely feel every inch that I’ve gained back. NOT GOOD! So tomorrow begins day 1 of being back on the program. I’ll be heading out tonight to pick up some Smart Ones and get my menus together so hopefully this will be an easy adjustment. 30 days to create a habit right? Well here’s to day 1. Goodnight!

South Padre : Total FAILURE!!!

I’m back from South Padre and I couldn’t have been happier Monday evening sitting in Austin traffic. Home Sweet Home! I guess I went on this trip with too many expectations. It was a huge let down. Makenna, Kendall, myself, Brittany and Ray stayed at Gulfview Condominiums. The parentals and the rest of the gang stayed at GulfPointe Condominiums next door. I’m definitely glad we stayed where we did. It was a perfect location on the beach and we were probably the only condos down there that weren’t infested with mosquitoes. They weren’t the fanciest rooms but hey for $125 a night in the middle of July, not bad. As far as the weather goes it was absolutely beautiful. Speaking of beautiful things, the water was AMAZING. I’m usually not big on swimming in the gulf. Let’s face it…Texas does not have the cleanest beaches out there but this trip that is where I spent most of my time. The water was nice and cool, no seaweed, and definitely no jellyfish. Thank goodness. I’ve honestly never seen it that clean before. Miss Makenna also spent the majority of the time in the water. I definitely have a little mermaid on my hands. She wanted to stay in the ocean the entire time. I’ve never seen a baby that excited about being in the middle of the ocean with waves hitting her ever two seconds. Most of the time that freaks them out but not Makenna. She would just laugh and look at me like, “Let’s do it again mom.” Lol



So why was it a failure you ask? There was a killer stomach bug that went from person to person while on the trip. It didn’t help that we also ate at the most disgusting restaurant down there. Never again will I trust my aunt and uncle’s advice on food. Everything tasted like dirt. If you ever go down there do not step foot in the White Sands Restaurant. Then my sister and her boyfriend fought the entire time which put everyone in a bad mood. Kendall and I got into a huge fight only to realize we had nothing to argue about and that we were just feeding off their negative energy. Makenna was sick as well which meant lots of dirty diapers, sheets, clothes etc. YUCK! Then I finally realized this trip how your life really is over once you have kids. While Ray, Kendall, and Britt went out to check out the bars I was stuck at home with Makenna. In fact, every night by 8PM that is where I was. I’m not upset b/c I know that’s my job now and I wouldn’t trade my daughter for anything in the world but it definitely was a reality check for me. Ending the trip with a horrible sunburn which turned me into a lobster and only taking one picture of Makenna the entire trip b/c I forgot my camera was the icing on the cake.



Once we got back to Austin Kendall said he wanted to take me back for a weekend with just the two of us since I had such a bad time. Um….round two? I’ll think about it.

Can you really make yourself stop loving someone?

Can you really make yourself stop loving someone?  I don’t think you can. Kendall and I were talking on the way back from South Padre about relationships. He said he’s never understood why he tries fighting how he feels for someone. That no matter what there is just that chemistry that is going to keep bringing him back to “her” every time. And basically he feels like that means he should just be with her. Even if he knows she’s not good for him. I began to argue (like I always do) but then I sat and thought to myself, “Maybe he’s right.” After all, I am the same person who has been in love with one of her closest friends for 8 years now. I always thought I’ve had a sense of control over the situation. Sure I’d lose my way every now and then and fall back into those feelings but overall when it was time to shut them off I was capable. Most recently that’s meant not physically being around him and limiting the phone calls and texts but its worked right? Not exactly. I still find myself getting butterflies every time I get that text or his special ring tone goes off because he’s calling to say hello. I still get jealous when I see a Twitter post about another woman from him or upset when I know he’s having company over. No matter how hard I try to tell myself I don’t care I do. There’s just a crazy intense connection there and I think he’d even be lying if he didn’t agree.


But that doesn’t mean we’re meant for each other and I should feel like I’m losing out because we’re not together. I know deep down that he’s not the person I should be with at the end of the day. Yes I love him and yes I’m EXTREMELY attracted to him but when it comes to real life we’re headed in two totally different directions. No matter how much I try to tell my heart to stop caring it won’t. I will always love him and he will always be that one guy who has a hold on me. So in that respect I agree with Kendall on you not being able to fall out of love with someone. BUT….where I disagree is that you should just settle for that person because you can’t get them off your mind. Keeping someone toxic around you will only bring you misery. And that’s exactly what he is to me. TOXIC. Call him a womanizer, player, smooth, pimp….whatever he goes by that’s not what I need. I know that and for that reason I will continue to “pretend” I’m not in love with him.

Makenna - Random Pics

Just figured I'd post some random pics of Miss Makenna.  She's getting so big.

July 1st!

July 1st – Today I make a change for the better!


I woke up this morning feeling BLAH about myself for the 5th day in a row. I have not been eating well, stopped going to the gym, and overall just haven’t been doing the things I need to be doing. Stepped on the scale and what do you know….I’ve gained 10lbs. WTF??? I can’t believe I let it get this bad that I’m gaining wait again. Not good. So rather than doing the norm of saying I’ll start back on a diet Monday, I’m starting TODAY! I have to fix this. I’ve been so stressed with work, finances, etc that I just haven’t been taking care of myself. So its back to Sparkpeople.com, going to the gym, less tv time and being more productive. Wish me luck!

Mondays....

It’s 1:30 AM and suddenly I’m woken up from glass shattering screams. Makenna is up and very hungry apparently. I knew me letting her fall asleep at 7pm would catch up to me and it definitely did. I wish I would have gone to bed early. Staying up til midnight to catch up on DVR’d shows now seems incredibly stupid. I quickly jump out of bed and pick her up to calm her down. After being changed and warming up her bottle its finally time to be fed. She guzzled down the milk very quickly which I hoped meant we would not be up for much longer. Once finished I began to try and rock her to sleep. Slowly she closed her eyes and just as I hoped, she was asleep. I started to walk up the stairs and due to my shadow being seen by one of the dogs a loud bark came out. “Maybe she didn’t hear it.” I thought to myself. Then…”Whhhhaaaaa…” came belting out. Yup she’s awake. I sat back down and attempted to rock her back to sleep but by now she was wide awake. By 4AM I had finally succeed at getting her to sleep. I was so exhausted. Still as I laid Makenna down in her crib I couldn’t help but just stare at her while she slept. She seemed so peaceful. Like a perfect little angel.



7AM my alarm clock goes off. “No!” I want to sleep longer. As I go to hit the snooze button, “Whhhhaaaa!”. Too late. She’s already up. I managed to get ready pretty fast, fed her and had everything ready to go in time for work. I decided to set her down in her bouncer so I could run outside and get the car started. After all, with this Texas weather she’s already sweating by the time I get her carseat in. I walk back upstairs pick her up and head for the carseat so I can get her buckled in. Pause….”What’s that smell?” I look down and what do I find? She has EXPLODED in her diaper. It’s all over her and all over me. “No Makenna.” She giggles. I head straight for the bedroom so we can get her changed and cleaned up. That was a challenge in itself. It was everywhere. I struggled to figure out how to get her outfit off without getting any in her hair. Once I put on her new diaper and thought I was in the clear she kicked as hard as she could and her foot landed right in the dirty diaper. YUCK! I quickly grabbed the diaper and pushed it further away but by mistake dropped it onto the carpet. Great! One more thing to clean up. 20 minutes later after we were both changed and ready I began to walk back down the stairs to leave. A loud belch comes out suddenly. I look down and she’s just thrown up all down my shoulder and back. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” I ask her. She looks up with the biggest grin and laughs. Time to change again!


45 Minutes after I first thought I was ready to leave I finally am able to walk out the door. She’s strapped in, I begin to back out of the driveway and I remember I didn’t put any perfume on. That’s okay, I have a body spray I keep in my purse. I pull it out to spray myself and it shoots out into my eye. Lovely………