SparkPeople

Well I joined Sparkpeople again today. Not sure if I ever mentioned it but it's a pretty helpful weightloss website. Based on your weight, height, and physical activities it calculates exactly how many calories you should intake daily. I started a week and a half before finding out I was pregnant and lost 10 pounds right away. Hoping to continue the success now that I have had Makenna. 22 pounds down so far. Of course I gained 14 of those while pregnant but hey...its something right? haha

Anyhow, Becki and I went grocery shopping last Friday and she has me trying to eat more natural products. We'll see how this goes. I never realized how many things I had were made with "enriched flour". Not good! So I made sure everything I bought was whole wheat. Of course half of it tastes like cardboard but maybe it will help me in decreasing how many carbs I consume. I definitely could cut back on them.


Well I'm about to get ready to go see the doctor and hoping that I will have lost more weight since last time. Also hoping she'll give me the okay to start exercising again. If anything, I'm going to start walking again each night to get me going again so I won't be completely out of it when I get back into the gym. Besides, Becki has me interested in joining a fastpitch softball team again and well, I HAVE to be in shape so I need to get started ASAP!

VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Well it's that time of year again. You know. The time for shades of pink/red everywhere, chocolates, roses, strawberries, etc. YUCK! haha Just kidding. Yes, I'm just like every other typical woman and I do feed into the Valentine's Day hype. This year is different though. I'm single and while I've been single on Valentine's Day before, I'm still a little bitter from my last relationship. I had all week to listen to everyone discuss their plans for today and who they were sharing it with. When I complained about not having a Valentine every one's response was, "You have Makenna". Very true. She is the person I care about the most and so it would be only natural to share today with her. BUT........... we all know we still want to have that significant other. That person you just can't get enough of. So this made me really think. I went through memories of all my past relationships, why they failed, what was good about them, and what I've learned? Who made me laugh? Who made me cry? Who is still in my life? And who I never want to see again? When it came down to it there was one person who kept popping up. He's been in my life for 7 years and I don't see him going anywhere anytime soon. I've lusted after him, loved him, mistreated him, been mistreated by him, hated him, forgave him, and found myself always running back to him. I grew up in front of him and learned a lot along the way. He is one of the few people who have always been completely honest with me no matter what. Sometimes this was a lot to take in but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I believe only true friends can be brutally honest and still have a positive effect. He keeps me in line, looks after me, and definitely is not afraid to tell me when I'm screwing up. Whether its a shoulder I need to cry on or just a night of watching tv over at his place to put me in a better mood he's always there. While I've tried to not be attracted to him its been pretty undeniable since the day we met. He just has a weird hold on me. I can't stop smiling everytime I'm around him and when I get a random text I find myself getting that warm feeling inside.

My friend Becki asked me last night if I had ever really been in love. I told her yes, once with Lamonte. But was that true? The more I thought about it the more I realized that there was someone else. Someone I can never imagine not being part of my life. And that's him. Could this explain why I still find myself getting jealous when I see that he's dating other women? I try to joke about it and laugh it off in order to still play the friend role but truth is it hurts so much when I think about it. I literally get sick to my stomach. He's on my mind constantly. When I'm having a good day he's the first person I want to share it with. When I feel like my whole world is crashing down he's the first person I want to run to. I picture him in my life forever. Some may say this would make him my bestfriend. Some may say I am IN LOVE with him. Either way, it will never be more than what it is. I'd rather keep the relationship I have with him then risk letting him know how I truly feel. So after today I won't discuss it again. Just figured when you have such strong feelings you deserve to let them out at least once. Well here was my chance and why not today right? Happy Valentine's Day!

Distance from Lamonte

Well I finally received a voicemail from Lamonte regarding Makenna. Keep in mind this is AFTER I emailed him letting him know he really didn't have to be in her life because it didn't seem like he wanted to be anyways. His voicemail basically asked what he needed to do in order to be on her birth certificate. Is he serious? He hasn't even asked how she has been since the day she was born. I wrote back and give him the information on how to be added to the birth certificate against my better judgement and what do you know...haven't heard from him since. Am I wrong for being so angry with him? I guess its just that I have had to listen to everyone bad mouth him during my pregnancy and I've always stopped them and reminded them that while he disappeared shortly after finding out I was pregnant he never technically said he wouldn't take care of her. In fact, he told me over and over again he wanted to be part of her life. So when he told me he was coming to town the weekend I was scheduled to have her I thought he was following through with his promises. However, when the day finally came he didn't show up and only called for a few short seconds after I delivered. I didn't even get to give him her stats before the nurse asked me to get off the phone. I told him to call me back in the next few minutes, he said okay but then I never heard from him again. Not until 2 weeks later when I received the voicemail regarding the birth certificate. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing in telling him just to continue to stay away but everytime I look at her I can't stand to think she may have to deal with him in the future. Do I think he would love her? Yes. But, do I really want to put her through him coming and going? I thought I could handle it and just let her make her own decisions but its so hard now that she's finally here. They say a mother will do anything to protect her child and I finally know exactly how that feels. I look at Makenna everyday and all of the people who love and care for her. She's adorable and such a sweetheart. I don't understand how someone could NOT want to be part of her life and well that is what Lamonte has shown. As a father you'd think he'd want to check up on her and make sure she's doing well but that has not happened. Maybe he does care but if so, he has a strange way of showing it. No one knows what the future holds but one thing is for sure. She is a blessing and the only good thing that ever came out of our relationship. I will continue to try my best to keep her from getting hurt but I will admit distancing her from him is going to be hard. I wanted so badly for him to be in her life and I will always wonder what it would have been like for her to be close with him. I truly hope I'm doing the right thing.

Makenna Jayde Price

Well so much for me updating my blog all the time....

It's been awhile and well my little girl is finally here.

Makenna Jayde Price was born January 24, 2010 at 6:49pm. She weighed 6lbs 7oz and was 18 1/2 inches long.
She has blonde/brownish colored hair, Lamonte's dimples, and a beautiful smile. I absolutely love her.

25 week update!!!

As of Monday, I’m 25 weeks pregnant. This is going by way too quickly. I’m finally at a point where I feel pregnant. Clothes do not fit anymore, heartburn is horrible, can’t bend down to tie my shoes as easily, and I get zero sleep at night. The joys of pregnancy. (sigh) It really hasn’t been a horrible pregnancy though. I like to complain daily but it really has been a good pregnancy. And all the annoying things that happen just remind me that I will have a bundle of joy in just a few more months.
So the most amazing thing about being pregnant so far is feeling her move. At first it freaked me out but now that I’ve become more use to it, I love it. When I’m down and feeling completely alone she gives me a good kick to let me know I’m not and she’s there for me. =) I’ll be going in 3 more weeks to have the 3D/4D ultrasound. Can’t wait. We’ll see if I’m having an alien or a princess. To date, she’s been an alien. Hopefully now she’s ready for her tiara. We will see.

Starting fresh.....

Wow...actually laughing over here reading my last blog. I guess I was pretty mad at the time I wrote it huh? Well while I partly feel bad about putting mine and Lamonte's business out there I was just being real. That's what this whole blog is suppose to be about. Not biting my tongue and just saying exactly how I feel so I guess it was a good thing. Since the blog I've come to realize Lamonte truly did up and move and well...there is nothing I can do about it. If he doesn't want to be in his daughter's life I can't force him. All I can do is move on from this and learn from my mistakes. My daughter is the blessing that came out of the mess called, "Lamonte & Tiffany". I know I need to take this time to pick up the pieces and not let him or the situation continue to bring me down. I have to be strong for her if not myself. No one can give me the advice I need other than God and that is who I'm choosing to turn to. Everyone has an opinion on what I should do or should've done in the past but honestly, I feel I have to leave this in God's hands. I can't continue to hold animosity towards Lamonte. If I continue to have hate in my heart for him it won't make me any better of a person than him right now. I once loved him with all of my heart and soul and even after everything he's done I still have love for him. There may be alot of negative feelings towards him at the moment but overall, there is still love. I don't know if that makes me stupid but I'd like to think its a positive attribute that I carry. The ability to forgive even when hurt more than ever before. I know there is no easy fix for my situation but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. A close friend of mine reminded me of a prayer she says daily. She suggested I borrow it for the time being and it is strange how a simple prayer had such an effect on me as I said it aloud this morning....


"God I pray today for joy in my heart, peace in my mind, and health in my body."

Lamonte - M.I.A.

Well I'm not going to keep referring to him as "David". At this point I could care less if the entire world knows who "David" really is. Yeah its Lamonte...no surprise there for anyone who is reading this that actually knows my situation. So he's Missing In Action.....what a shocker right? I wish I would have known sooner that he had planned the entire time to just up and leave. I saw him Sunday and he acted like everything was fine. He told me he'd see me at the doctor's appt on Monday and he'd pay me what he owed me Friday. I left thinking neither of those things would actually happen but tried to hope for the best. Then next thing I know when I hadn't heard from him on Tuesday I decided to call. Well his phone was powered off so it went straight to voicemail. Then nothing on Wednesday, strange b/c it was my bday and I knew he wouldn't forget. Finally its Thursday and I'm freaking it out b/c still no word and his phone is still off. So I decide to go by his apt only to find he's being EVICTED! Turns out he never paid his rent and promised them he'd come in on the 16th to pay but never showed up. Okay now I'm really worried. So I decide to see if I can log in to his voicemail (we're on the same plan incase you're wondering why this was so easy for me). Turns out he hasn't checked any of them. There were bill collectors, my messages, and messages from a lot of other girls (no surprise there). So this had me even more concerned. I called his sister and his bestfriend. I figured between the two of them I would get an answer. The bestfriend answered and said he'd let me know if he heard anything but had no idea where Lamonte can be. So I tried the voicemail again and what do you know.....bestfriend was lying. He left Lamonte a message asking "How was your trip up there? Just making sure you made it. Holla at me" WOW! This coming from the person who said he had no idea where Lamonte went. Nice. By this time his sister had already called me back and told me to not worry. She said this is not the first time Lamonte had just up and moved without telling anyone. And with me being 5 months pregnant apparently this is even more in his character. I literally just sat and cried all night long. So many questions running through my head that I knew would never be answered. Why would he lie to me about everything? Why would he promise me that he was going to be in our child's life over and over and over again? We would he make up all these stories about the drama with Gina, Lauren, etc and how they were all CRAZY and blah blah blah blah blah? These are questions I'll never get an answer from him for. I just don't understand how someone can be in a serious relationship with another person for 2 years, have a child with her and then burn out with no way of being contacted. At this point no one knows if Lamonte made it to where he's going or not since he hasn't contacted anyone. The bestfriend won't even tell where Lamonte was headed so at this point its all a guess. Based on the call log for the phone I'm thinking maybe Texarkana b/c there is a number he talks to all day every day and its based in Texarkana but at this point who knows. As many messages as there were from other women it sounds like he had alot of them fooled. I guess when I really think about everything I found out about Lamonte through our relationship I shouldn't be shocked by him up and leaving. I mean...he left Vanessa when she had Xavier, he left Jessie when she had Alexis, he won't even claim Dora's son ( who looks just like him ) .....why would I have thought this time it would have been any different? I honestly have a lot more to say but I'm still extremely emotional right now and I know that its probably best to just stop and try and reflect for awhile. There is no point in just blabbing on when I'm full of rage and emotions. It won't be productive for myself or the blog. I just had to get this all out there this morning before starting my day. I have no idea how the next few days are going to play out. I have a lot of things to do. I need to go cancel our account b/c he never took his name off, cancel his cellphone, and there are plenty of other things to be worked out. First I need to BREATHE. I feel like I'm suffocating over here.