Mondays....

It’s 1:30 AM and suddenly I’m woken up from glass shattering screams. Makenna is up and very hungry apparently. I knew me letting her fall asleep at 7pm would catch up to me and it definitely did. I wish I would have gone to bed early. Staying up til midnight to catch up on DVR’d shows now seems incredibly stupid. I quickly jump out of bed and pick her up to calm her down. After being changed and warming up her bottle its finally time to be fed. She guzzled down the milk very quickly which I hoped meant we would not be up for much longer. Once finished I began to try and rock her to sleep. Slowly she closed her eyes and just as I hoped, she was asleep. I started to walk up the stairs and due to my shadow being seen by one of the dogs a loud bark came out. “Maybe she didn’t hear it.” I thought to myself. Then…”Whhhhaaaaa…” came belting out. Yup she’s awake. I sat back down and attempted to rock her back to sleep but by now she was wide awake. By 4AM I had finally succeed at getting her to sleep. I was so exhausted. Still as I laid Makenna down in her crib I couldn’t help but just stare at her while she slept. She seemed so peaceful. Like a perfect little angel.



7AM my alarm clock goes off. “No!” I want to sleep longer. As I go to hit the snooze button, “Whhhhaaaa!”. Too late. She’s already up. I managed to get ready pretty fast, fed her and had everything ready to go in time for work. I decided to set her down in her bouncer so I could run outside and get the car started. After all, with this Texas weather she’s already sweating by the time I get her carseat in. I walk back upstairs pick her up and head for the carseat so I can get her buckled in. Pause….”What’s that smell?” I look down and what do I find? She has EXPLODED in her diaper. It’s all over her and all over me. “No Makenna.” She giggles. I head straight for the bedroom so we can get her changed and cleaned up. That was a challenge in itself. It was everywhere. I struggled to figure out how to get her outfit off without getting any in her hair. Once I put on her new diaper and thought I was in the clear she kicked as hard as she could and her foot landed right in the dirty diaper. YUCK! I quickly grabbed the diaper and pushed it further away but by mistake dropped it onto the carpet. Great! One more thing to clean up. 20 minutes later after we were both changed and ready I began to walk back down the stairs to leave. A loud belch comes out suddenly. I look down and she’s just thrown up all down my shoulder and back. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” I ask her. She looks up with the biggest grin and laughs. Time to change again!


45 Minutes after I first thought I was ready to leave I finally am able to walk out the door. She’s strapped in, I begin to back out of the driveway and I remember I didn’t put any perfume on. That’s okay, I have a body spray I keep in my purse. I pull it out to spray myself and it shoots out into my eye. Lovely………

Longest Personal Ad ever......hahaha

See my personal ad below.  It's extremely long but hey...I figure if you have taken the time to read it and you're still interested then you're my type of guy.  I'm hoping this will save me from all the random "hey" emails I've been getting. 


I'm still slightly skeptical about joining a dating site but with the


little free time I do have I find myself wanting to get out for a movie,

dinner, drinks, etc. more and more these days. So why not join the

dating scene right? I'm not sure a relationship is what I am ready for

but I definitely would like to meet some nice men to go on dates with

from time to time. Even just chatting via email would be appreciated at

this point. I know the whole idea of a profile is to try and sell

yourself to prospective suitors but one thing you will learn about me is

that I don't sugar coat things. I'm very direct and with that being

said I feel like the first things to start with are the possible issues

that may make you NOT interested in me. I just feel it's easier to get

that out of the way first. If you're still interested then great,

contact me. If not, neither one of us will have to waste our time.







So let's see...



1) I'm a single mother of a 4 month old little girl. She is the only

good thing that has come out of a very bad 2 year relationship. I don't

look at being a mother as a flaw but I do know that does narrow down the

list some. Not all men are looking for someone with children and I

completely understand and respect that.



2) Next so called flaw would be that once my daughter was born I had to

move back home to live with my mother. This is not something I'm proud

of but without any support from her father and covering outrageous

daycare costs it was a better option than staying in my apartment.



3) Last thing I would state as a possible flaw is the fact that I am

overweight. It's something I'm currently working on and I can happily

say I've already lost 26 pounds but there is still PLENTY to go. I

typically like a more fit man so I can also see how my weight could be a

factor in whether you would pursue me.







So yeah....we've now established that I'm a 26 year old single mother of

1 that is overweight. LOL....not exactly what you were looking for huh?

Well now that we got that out of the way, let me tell you why I'm a

GREAT CATCH!





I absolutely LOVE life. I am and have always been a "glass is half

full" type of gal. I'm a new mother and thrilled to say that. I adore

my daughter and even though I've never seen myself as the motherly type

I'm slowly finding my way. I enjoy family time which includes game

night, vacations, and Sunday night dinners. I'm also extremely driven.

I've worked in accounting since I was 16 years old and I'm currently

employed for a manufacturing company. I plan on starting school in the

Fall because while my income was sufficient prior to having a child, it

just isn't cutting it these days. I do not want to live paycheck to

paycheck and I know furthering my education can only help me. I

socially drink and do not smoke. I absolutely love sports and I'm very

competitive. I enjoy catching a UT football game on occasion and you

will catch me every year at the State Championship for high school

football. They have so much heart which makes it extremely exciting to

witness. I'm also a "Must Love Dogs" type of woman. I have an adorable

American Bulldog (I tend to like large breeds). Huge movie buff and I

can enjoy a good book every now and then. I could go on and on but by

now I'm sure you've already decided exactly how you feel about me. So,

if you're interested feel free to contact me. =)




I'm looking for someone to chat with from time to time. Someone to go

out with for dinner, drinks, sporting events, movies, etc. Basically

just casual dating and if sparks fly then we can take it from there.

The type of man I typically am attracted to is charming, funny, enjoys

family time, and must be able to accept my sarcasm. Obviously goal

oriented and successful are qualities I prefer. MUST know how to cook

b/c I'm a terrible cook. MUST also be willing to take me fishing on

occasion. =) Other than that, I'm open for anything. I'll always try

something at least once or twice so bring it on boys!

Online Dating: Happy Ending or Horror Story???

Now that things are starting to fall into place with Makenna and she’s on a regular schedule life is finally somewhat back to normal. The only thing missing…my love life. I don’t feel like I’m ready to be in a relationship yet but I definitely miss the companionship aspect of it. Moving back in with my mother has made me completely uncomfortable with attempting to date. How do you tell a man, “Yes, I’m single with a 4 month old and even though I’m 26 years old I just moved back home with my mother.” ??? That doesn’t sound very appealing. Due to this, I’ve kept to myself and not really pursued any advances that have been made my way. The problem is that I have found myself growing frustrated and wanting to get out and do things with the opposite sex more and more. Finding love overall is what we all want. However, right now all I’m wanting is to meet someone who I can date. “Date” meaning…go see a movie, have dinner, football game etc with. Just someone to have a good time with and if something sparks romantically then we can take it from there. Until I feel better about my financial/living situation I can’t say I’m ready for a “boyfriend”. For me to consider someone my “boyfriend” I need for him to be bringing a lot to the table because I plan to as well. My weight is also an issue. I want to be physically in better shape than I am. I’m slowly working on that now but I don’t think I’d feel comfortable being considered someone’s girlfriend until I’m happy with that as well. So once I feel like I’m able to give my all…then I can say I’m ready for a relationship. For now….I’m ready to date!




So my next dilemma, where the heck do I find someone? I don’t really go out that often so meeting someone in a bar/club is out. There are absolutely NO men at work that are near my age so that won’t work either. Church? Well everyone at my family’s church is married or 80 years old. Gym? Yeah um not until I lose 100 pounds so I can compete with all the skinny bitches there. Lol So yeah…next option is the internet right? Hmmm…not so sure how I feel about that. I have many friends that have joined some of the online dating sites. I’ve heard happy endings and I’ve heard horror stories. Horror stories outweighing the happy endings. I guess I need to do a little more research on the subject but I’m curious as to what ya’ll think about it. I figure at least in my profile I can put exactly what I’m wanting (which isn’t much at the moment). That way there is no way that any prospect could be confused as to what I’m looking for. There have been too many times recently that I’ve had to explain to men that I DO NOT want a relationship yet. And then the ones who understand that, then think that I’m one of those women who really want a BOOTY CALL. Let me make myself clear….I DO NOT want a BOOTY CALL.



So ladies/gentleman….what do ya’ll think? Online dating or not? Any suggestions? Opinions would be great right now. =)

4 Months Old

My sweet little angel is 4 months today. Time is flying by. I feel like I just brought her home from the hospital. I CAN say that I’m happy to be done with the newborn stage. Sleepless nights are starting to dwindle down and she’s finally colic free. Those first few months were absolute hell when it came to her colic. I really don’t know how I would have gotten through everything without the help of my family. But now its happy days ahead. Well…not exactly. Looks like she just started teething. Lol FUN! Well I guess things can’t always be perfect. Either way…I love how happy she is these days and I just can’t get enough of her sweet little smiles. Happy Monday everyone!

Daddy’s Never There

Little girl. 5 years old. First day of school.

Mommy’s there to waive goodbye with tears in her eyes.
He said he’d come but he’s not there, another one of his lies.
Little girl left feeling sad again like she’d been fooled.


“Daddy’s never there.”


New man tries to take his place.
Promises the world, moves them far away.
Looking back part of her still wanting to stay.
Praying she doesn’t forget his face.

Time goes by.
Life seems good to everyone else.
They don’t see the secrets held in this house.
All the bruises Mommy tries to hide and tears running down our face.
She wishes he’d come and save her from this place.


“Daddy’s never there.”


She’s all grown up and headed off to prom.
Parents gather to take pictures.
She’s greeted by just her mom.
While the other girls pose with their fathers she sits back and smiles.
She’d love for him to be there but she hasn’t heard from him in quite awhile.


“Daddy’s never there.”


5 years later. She falls in love and gives her heart to him.
Happy as can be. Everything is wonderful until they move in.
Then to her surprise, history repeats itself again.

She starts to drink to cover up the pain
Begins to drown in all the rain.
Bruises down her back, eyes getting darker each day.
She loves him but knows she can no longer stay.

She doesn’t want her family, she doesn’t want her friends.
She wants the one man in her life that seems to be his twin.
But…

“Daddy’s never there."


After 9 months of tears & pain,
It’s finally time to meet Makenna Jayde.
Family gathers with smiles all around.
Still she couldn’t help but feel a little let down.

He said he’d be there but never came.
She knew how he was so why was she surprised?
After all,


“Daddy’s never there."

Makenna's First Road Trip

We decided to make a much needed trip down to the valley. Oh wait, let me define the “valley”. Very, very, very south Texas. Harlingen, McAllen, Brownsville area. Basically I like to call it Mexico. I can’t hate on the valley too much though because after all, I was born there. Both sides of my family are from there as well. My grandmother (Nene) just had her hip replaced and shoulder surgery. My other grandmother (Maria) is also not doing so well health wise so I figured it was time to pay a visit to both of them. At least so they could see Miss Makenna. After all, she has a way of making everyone in the room smile so I was hoping she’d help cheer them up. This was also going to be Makenna’s first road tip and her first trip to the beach (South Padre).



The drive down was great. I was worried because Makenna does not usually like sitting in her car seat for very long but she survived the 5 ½ hour drive with lots of smiles and giggles. Of course it helped that Brittany and I didn’t stop playing with her the entire time. We’d read books, make noises, silly faces, and a last ditch effort to keep her happy……BEAT BOXING. Yup…that’s right. As I began, the next words out of my mouth were, “Britt….bust a flow.” LOL The things you do to entertain your children. Embarrassment is no longer something that concerns you. No hesitations. You just do what you have to in order to put a smile on that cute little face. =)



While we were in town we made our rounds and saw pretty much all of my family. The only person I wasn’t able to see was my father which was actually a good thing. I don’t think I was ready for that confrontation yet. It was such a happy weekend that I didn’t want to ruin it. We finally made it the beach late Saturday evening and Makenna absolutely loved it. She was so intrigued by the sand and water on her little feet. I tried many times to get her attention so I could take a picture but there was no competing with them (sand and water). She forgot I was even there. Oh well, I still managed to get some cute pics taken. She sat with “Grandma Nazi” most of the time and I loved watching the two of them interact together. These days when you see my mother she’s frowning because something just pissed her off or I she doesn’t feel well. Never just relaxed and happy. So to see her playing and smiling with Makenna on the beach with not a care in the world was absolutely beautiful. Overall, a great day at the beach.



I’m glad I made it down to the valley after all. I thought many times about not going. It was definitely worth it though. Only problem was leaving. I became so sad. I love my family and wish they were closer. Spending more time with them is a must. I miss both my grandmothers so much. With that said, we’re talking about going back in July and I can’t wait. =) Beach here I come….AGAIN!

Let's try this again....much better!

Makenna turned 9 weeks yesterday. I can’t believe how quickly time is going by and now with her in daycare I feel like I never see her. I now know why mothers decide to stay home instead of going back to work. Her personality comes out more and more each day and I just love it. That awkward uneasy feeling of being a new mom has begun wearing off and I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable. If only it would have been like this in the beginning. Everyone has always said you learn as you go but I’m a planner. I wanted to know how to do everything before she came and when that didn’t happen I felt myself pulling back. My mother ended up taking on more of the role than me and I became extremely depressed that I wasn’t doing a good enough job. It didn’t help that she would tell everyone she knew how bad I was at being a mother and how she raises Makenna. Was I really that bad? I asked myself that daily til I finally realized….yes, I was that bad. While I thought I was doing a lot when I sat back I realized my mother was doing more of the interacting with her. I just did what was needed for her to survive ( feed her, change her, etc). I wasn’t actually just sitting and enjoying her company. When she was happy all I wanted to do was get away and breathe.

POSTPARTUM!!! That’s what everyone including my doctor seemed to think I was going through. I denied, denied, and denied it but looking back…that’s exactly what was going on. In fact, to this day I feel like it still is there. Ready to creep back into my life the moment I let myself lose control again. What fixed it? Realizing that it’s okay to give myself time to breathe…in moderation. I now try and go out at least once a week for “adult time”. Whether that be a drink with the girls, dinner with my sister, movies, or just going to my close friend’s house to watch tv. A few hours a week is all I need and immediately my mood has improved. Certain so called “friends” have tried criticizing me about going out but I just let it go now. I don’t stress each day about being a good mom. I know that it’s not something I needed to train for. It’s okay that I’m learning as I’m go. And as long as I give Makenna all the love she could ever ask for that’s all that matters. Even with me going back to work, it’s the quality of time we’re spending together when I see her that makes me able to handle it. Sure…any mother would love to stay home and watch every move her child makes. However my situation is not typical and I’ve learned to accept it. I have to work. I also have to be both parents to her since her father is not around. And it’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay. Now that I’ve realized that things are much easier.