First Steps!

Yay!  Makenna finally took her first steps last night.  Unfortunately I had just left to buy diapers so I missed it.  =)  DARN!  I can’t believe my little girl is already trying to walk.  She took 3 whole steps before falling on her bottom.  I have a feeling she will be walking all over the place by Christmas.  What am I going to do?  Lol

Just finished up another letter to Lamonte letting him know what went on at court and the new updates for Makenna.  We finally got the paternity test taken this past week so now I just have to wait for the results.  Hopefully this will put aside any doubts he may still have although he swears he doesn’t have any.  He’s at a closer location now so I may consider taking Makenna to visit.  Still not sure if I’m ready for that but the idea has been floating around. 

As for everything else, life is pretty calm.  Trying to get things ready around the house for Thanksgiving and started Christmas shopping for Makenna.  That little girl is too spoiled.  Over the next few weeks I have to start planning her 1^st birthday party too.  I’m hoping to have Lamonte’s other two children there for the party so I need to set a date soon.  His daughter’s in Florida so I’m hoping she is able to find a cheap flight and come out.  We’ve been talking about all getting together for awhile so this would be a really good time for it.

Time to get back to work. 

Women Today

“Down through history men have always been measured by how hard they work and cultivated how well the protected their wife and children. In the old days women saw their men as conquerors, providers, heroes. But somewhere along the line that changed, women started to become their own hero, maybe it was because their man forgot to be relic or because women don't want to be protected anymore or maybe women had to be their own hero because of the pain they had to endure in life. But whatever the cause, the world took away a man's reason for being a man. It told him he wasn't important anymore and when that happened, it turned the whole world upside down.” D Johnson




I must say I completely agree with this. Ladies, I think we’ve lost our way some what when it comes to proving that we’re strong and independent. You have your own house, own car, 2 degrees, and a nice six figure salary yet you still haven’t found love? In your mind you’re blaming it on the men. “They can’t handle a strong woman like myself.” “They want a weak woman to control so they can cover up their own insecurities within themselves.” I’m not saying this doesn’t happen but I don’t think it’s always the case. Yes you should be proud of all that you’ve accomplished and I don’t think you should ever be completely submissive to a man but sometimes you have to tone it down a bit. Let him know that you still do need and want his help with things around the house. Don’t let him see you without your make-up on and rollers in your hair everyday. Surprise him by actually having dinner waiting for him when he returns home from work regardless of the type of day you’ve had. Try and get away at least once a week for alone time. Whether that be a walk in the park or dinner and a movie. Surprise him with something sexy when the kids are away. I know you’re probably saying, “She’s crazy if she thinks I’m gonna make him dinner after I’ve been at work all day too.” It all goes back to the roles we play though. Just like we take care of home so do they. Men this means you need to step it up as well and provide for your family. Don’t put financial burdens completely on your wife and expect her to do the things listed above as well. You’re a team and you need to be doing your part too. If the bills aren’t getting paid you need to get out and get another job or two, whatever it takes to make sure your family is provided for. I get tired of watching some of my friends work 2-3 jobs while their husbands get to sit at home all day. Then when they get home their still stuck cooking dinner, taking care of their kids/husbands all while their men get to sit at home and do nothing. That is not the strong independent woman I want to be. I made this mistake in the past and it got me no where. I want to be financially secure on my own before entering my next relationship but I don’t want that to be the reason someone chooses me. I want him to know I’m a good mother, I’ve mastered all the daily tasks of a 50’s housewife however I do have a mind of my own. I can stand my own in a room full of his colleagues, hang with the boys for football Sunday, keep it classy when we’re out on the town, and definitely fulfill all of his needs in the bedroom. Am I this woman yet? Not completely and that is why I’ve chosen to take myself out of the dating scene.

Instead of blaming men for not being able to handle someone like me I want to fix where I’ve failed in the past. I don’t want to settle for a weak man because I don’t want to step up my game and be the type of woman I know I can be. I want to be every bit of a PHENOMENAL woman. There is a reason that today’s divorce rate is up to 50% and rising. We need to stop being so concerned with our own independence and start trying to keep a happy home.

LIFE IS GOOD

I really need to start blogging daily. I keep saying I’m going to and never get a chance. These days Makenna has me running around like crazy. She’s all over the place and its only a matter of time before she’s walking. I’ll definitely be getting my exercise then. Haha.
So let’s see, Halloween was FANTASTIC! Makenna was a Bumble Bee and went to two different costume parties over the weekend. She also went trick or treating and LOVED it! I don’t know how many people we were stopped by that told us she was the prettiest baby they’d ever seen. We got that a lot but lately it’s been more than I’m use to. Everyone keeps asking me why I don’t just get her into modeling but I’m still unsure. I know she’d love it right now bc she loves the camera and posing for pictures. Still, I’m a firm believer in letting a kid just be a kid. I plan on doing some more research on infant modeling and hope to have my mind made up by Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, the list has already begun. I’m not sure how I’ll afford everything but I’m determined to make this the best Christmas yet since it’s my little angel’s first one. =) The only problem is that her birthday falls right after Christmas so I have no clue how I’ll pull this off financially. Time to push my Mary Kay products. That shouldn’t be so hard being that everyone seems to be going crazy over the new product line. Crossing my fingers the sales continue.

Well there isn’t much else to say. Life is just really good right now. Financially I struggle but everything else has started to fall into place. I have weeded out the bad seeds and finally have the right people in my life. Motherhood is GREAT! I can’t get enough of Makenna. She’s just adorable. I’m so lucky to have such a perfect little girl. Work is picking up but still isn’t paying the bills however I’m working on MK and that has been a big help. Love life is interesting to say the least. I have a few options and its nice not being tied down at the moment. It’s giving me time to really figure out what I truly want. I feel like I was rushed into my relationship with Lamonte. I didn’t have time to think and make sure I really wanted to be with him before he asked me to be exclusive. Dating is definitely more enjoyable these days. Still I worry I’ll make the wrong decision for Makenna. No one has met her yet because I do not feel you should have your children around men you’re dating so soon. Some of the men have agreed and respected me for that. Others thought I was being ridiculous. Those men are not in my life now. =) Ultimately my daughter comes before anyone else so I want to protect her as much as possible. I don’t agree with some of the choices single mothers make these days. It’s not okay for your kids to meet all the men you date right away. And it’s definitely not okay to move your boyfriend in after a few months of dating when you have children involved. Have a little more respect for your children ladies. Ugh! Anyways…sorry I had to vent about that topic bc it has come up a lot lately.

Well I’d love to keep going but its time to get back to work. Til next time…

A 2nd chance...

Lamonte and I are finally on the same page when it comes to our daughter. It feels so good to be able to get along and talk like adults. Too bad it’s taken this long for us to get here. As I responded to his letter last night there was a smile on my face and a big sigh of relief. We spend more effort fighting and arguing over petty things than discussing what’s important – Makenna…. so to finally have a normal conversation was nice. He is really making an effort to be in her life. Right now with him being incarcerated it’s hard for him but he tries to write at least once a week. I’ve been saving all of his letters so that she’ll have them someday if she feels like reading them. So many people in my life are skeptical as to whether this will last once he gets out and to those I have to say this…


All I can do is allow him to try to have a relationship with her. I will pray for the best but always expect the worst. I have to keep my guard up based on his track record but that doesn’t mean I should be a total bitch to him 24/7. Our relationship problems should not affect the friendship we have today. Yes I said friendship. We’ve both agreed that the best thing for Makenna is for us to work on actually being friends. Why not? We were best friends at one point and we probably know each other better than anyone else. I am nervous that he will fall back into his same old patterns but I’ve expressed that to him and he knows that my guard will remain up. As long as he’s willing to accept that and keep trying to prove himself all I can do is try to go about things with an open mind and heart. Makenna is the most important thing in the world and if having her daddy around is what she needs I’m all for it. BUT….the moment he screws up….no more chances. So let’s cross our fingers that this works. He even mentioned possibly moving closer to see her more often. I was very shocked but if he did decide to move that would definitely show he was actually serious about being a big part of her life. His newest thing was coming up with a nickname for her. Mac n’ Cheese. I know I know….strange but then again this is Lamonte. He called me strawberry so apparently has a thing for food. Haha

Time to protect my blogs...

So it's become apparent that I have to keep things private now.  I deleted my myspace, blocked certain people from Facebook and now I guess I'll have to put a password protector on my blog.  So...if you're reading this now and you want to continue to have access please email me at tprice83@yahoo.com with your email address and I will make sure to send you the new password.  I should be locking this within the week.  I'm sick of a certain person using any information they can find online about me to help with their own insecurities.  I'm too old to play games and feed in to the unnecessary drama so I'm stopping it all together.  Basically if there is nothing to read you will hopefully go away and move on with your life.  Or not, either way it won't affect me anymore.

Not so good birthday

My birthday week/weekend has come and gone. I’m not sad to see that it’s over with. This year wasn’t as exciting as I thought it was going to be. It started off with the night before my bday receiving an email from Lamonte’s wife. Shocker! She started off with an apology for the way things originally went down when she first contacted me. Then after reading more into her email I realized it was more about her own insecurities with Lamonte and his lying/cheating ways. She wanted to know if I still had feelings for him, how often we talked and if it was only regarding Makenna? Against my better judgment I gave her the answers she was looking for. Everyone around me that knows what’s going on said I should have just ignored the email and let her wonder. But that’s not me. I know what its like to be completely in the dark and so in love with someone that you want to believe every word that comes out of their mouth even though deep down you know it’s a lie. So I gave her the facts. I didn’t tell her whether she should stay with him or not. That is her decision to make for herself and for her kids. So much of me wanted to say, “You’re crazy. You have two children. Run, run far away because he will never change.” But that’s not my place. I told her if she wanted to know about Lamonte she should talk to his family not his EX. I mean after all, I could be filling her head with false information right? We all know that I wouldn’t do that but she doesn’t know anything about me other than what he has told her so I wouldn’t blame her for thinking so.


The next morning I received a call from my father which was another issue. I haven’t spoken to him since the drama that went down during my baby shower back in January. With all the drugs and him being in and out of jail I decided a long time ago I do not want him to be part of my life or Makenna’s. So when I picked up the phone to hear, “Hey baby, Happy Birthday!” I didn’t know how to respond. I was cold and kept it very short. He said “I love you” and I responded with “ Bye” all the while fighting back the tears. I hung up and felt horrible about the way I was treating him but I just didn’t want to go through the same thing all over again. Eventually I called back and history repeated itself…AGAIN. He gave me the long speech about how he’s changed, how much he loves me and how he’s no longer doing drugs. This would be the same speech he’s given me 4 times in 2 years.

I wish I could say my birthday got better but it was pretty much downhill from there which included being broke the entire time, getting into a fight with one of my best friends and ending a romantic relationship I was having with someone. Better luck next year I guess…

Weight Watchers

Oh the joys of Weight Watchers….yes I’m back at it. It’s been a few years since I was on it and I think its time to get back on track. While sparkpeople.com is great, I’m willing to spend the extra money in order to have a faster way of tracking calories, exercise and weight loss. It’s amazing how much your eating habits change when you have children. I went from never eating when she was first born b/c she would never let me put her down to now constantly snacking on fast food before and after I get her settled because it’s the only thing I have time for. Neither of those patterns were very healthy for me. I’ve also stopped going to the gym and 10 lbs later I completely feel every inch that I’ve gained back. NOT GOOD! So tomorrow begins day 1 of being back on the program. I’ll be heading out tonight to pick up some Smart Ones and get my menus together so hopefully this will be an easy adjustment. 30 days to create a habit right? Well here’s to day 1. Goodnight!